Engineers are the Best Boyfriends

Another thing i got from Frienster. I so need to stop this >.<

Today's lesson - 'Engineers are the Best Boyfriends'

1st, Let me tell you why girls should eventually marry an engineer over a Law, Management, Arts or Medical School Graduate. He has three distinct advantages over the rest of the graduates.

Advantage 1: Secure lifestyle
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An engineer boyfriend can provide you with a secure lifestyle. At 27 years old, an engineer probably has a respectable, stable job that gives him a high income to own a car, invest, have a comfortable life, and get married and buy a house too.

Law graduates are still working as a lowly apprentice in law firm. Most management graduates have just failed on their first business plan. The arts graduate is still looking for a job. And the medical school graduate is still living in a hospital.


Advantage 2: Unmatchable industriousness
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An engineer boyfriend will dedicate an unimaginable amount of his time and effort to understand you. Engineers strain really really hard to understand their work. You can believe that they will try really really hard to understand women too, just like how they understand their work, once they believe that you are the one. So even if they don't understand you initially, they will keep on
trying. Even if they still do not understand, they will figure out the correct method to keep you happy (e.g. buy diamond ring = 1 week's worth of happiness.) And once they find out the secret formula, they will just keep on repeating it so that the desired results appear.

Unlike the Lawyer who will argue with you.The Management graduate who will tryto control your spending, The Arts graduate who will 'change major'. And the medical school graduate who
will operate on you.

And you know what, it's really so easy to make engineer s believe that You are the 'one'. Say that you like one of their project and they will be hooked to you forever.

Advantage 3: An engineer boyfriend will never betray your trust.
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Let me first tell you what is wrong with the rest of the others - The lawyers will lie about everything. Management graduates will cheat your money. The arts graduate will flirt, and you
probably just look like another cadaver to the medical school graduate. Your engineer boyfriend is either too busy to have an affair, and even if he does, he is too dumb to lie to you about that. Hence, an engineer is the most secure boyfriend that you will ever find - rich enough, will
keep on trying to understand and please you, has no time for affairs, and too dumb to lie to you.


So girls, why procrastinate? Get an engineer for your boyfriend aka ur future husband!

Ways to Confuse Santa Claus

- Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

- While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

- Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

- While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

- Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

- Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"

- Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

- Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

- While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

You bombed it.

In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.

Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.

Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence.

"Thank you," he said.

"Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush.

"Yes."

"Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?" asked Mrs. Bush.

In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No, I'm afraid that you bombed it."

Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie

- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
- Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
- If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
- Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!
- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
-Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
- If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand their sighing with relief, GET THE HECK OUT!
- If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
- Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
- If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
- Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
- Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Arkham (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
- If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
- Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
- If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

Understanding a Woman's Language

"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Stupid Words From Big People

You may ask yourself how can celebs and famous people be so stupid when they say things. Do celebs fake being so dumb. Judge for yourself ... read on !


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." - A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety per cent mental." - Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - Al Gore, former Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle, former Vice President

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."-

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."-

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

Things To Remember During A War

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren’t sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.